We always see content revolving around romantic relationships, and many of those articles share wonderful advice. But romantic relationships aren’t the only type of relationships we have in our daily lives. Whether it’s your relationship with your coworkers, friends, roommates or even family, relationships need a lot of work. Some relationships are harder to maintain than others; that’s just the way it is. Some relationships just don’t work out, even when you’re putting in the effort to make changes. In an attempt to try to sort out which relationships are worth saving, we all need to do some serious soul searching through asking ourselves some relationship questions.
After months of deeply contemplating each my relationships, I’ve come to learn that there are ten relationship questions you should be asking yourself about every association in your life.
1. Does this person bring positive or negative energy to my life?
Sometimes it can be hard to recognize the signs of negative energy in your life, while other times it’s quite apparent. Maybe this person constantly spends their time whining and complaining, this may not feel like it could directly affect your mood, but spoiler alert, it does. If this person in your life brings your energy down, try to distance yourself. Your mental and emotional state should always be your top priority, and keeping negative energy around you is only going to hurt you.
2. Do we fight more then we laugh or love?
Think back on all the times you’ve fought…now think of all the times you’ve laughed, or shown one another love. Did you spend more time fighting then you did spreading love? If so, what can you do to fix this aspect of your relationship? Is it a fixable relationship?
3. What are some of the things this person has done to help me personally and vice versa?
Try to think of some of the nice things that this specific person has done for you. Maybe they took your laundry out of the washer and moved it to the dryer, or maybe they cooked you a meal when they knew you were having a rough day. How frequently do they help you out just for the sake of being kind? Then, think of the things you’ve done to help them. Are you equally helping one another or is this a one way street?
4. When was the last time you stopped to appreciate one another?
Adding on to the third relationship question, when was the last time you told them how much you appreciated the things they do? Do you frequently take the time to say thank you, regardless of the importance of the task? Maybe doing your dishes every once in a while or sending a text to make sure you got home alright doesn’t seem like much, but this person is showing you that they care. Take time to appreciate them, and thank them for thinking of you. This can go both ways. When was the last time they took the time to thank you for the things you do? Say they don’t stop to appreciate you often, does that bother you?
5. How do I feel before, during, and after spending time with this person?
How you feel when you’re spending time with someone is the tell tale sign of how your relationship is truly going. If you were to make plans with this person, what are your emotions directly after planning? Are you ecstatic to see an old friend, or are you already thinking of excuses for why you might need to cancel?
So the day of your big plans is finally here. Take note of how you’re feeling during the time you spend with this person. Maybe it isn’t going as horribly as you thought it might, or maybe it’s going as you figured, and maybe it’s worse. Whatever it is you’re feeling at the time, make a mental note of it.
Finally, you’ve arrived back at your home, ready to snuggle into bed and binge watch The Office for the ninth time. But before you dive into the black hole that is Netflix, make another mental note: How are you feeling after you’ve seen this person? Are you happy to have seen them and caught up or do you just have this overall blah feeling? Relationships can (and will) change over time, it’s important to take note of how you’re really feeling before, during and after time spent with this person.
6. Is there an equal amount of work being put into this relationship?
All relationships require work; some more than others. Keeping this in mind, think about how much work you put in to your relationship. Are you the one constantly solving problems and smoothing over your fights just to put an end to it, or is it more of an equal balance? Are you both doing your part in making this relationship work? If not, what can you do to ensure that both of you are putting in an equal amount of effort?
7. Have there been any “red flag” moments?
Typically when I hear the term “red flag,” I would associate it with a romantic relationship, but that isn’t the only type of relationship that can have red flags. A “red flag” moment would be best described as a moment that made you stop to think, “Is this okay with me?” or “Did that really just happen?” Thinking back on your relationship, how many red flag moments have you experienced?
8. Do you have more happy memories or unhappy memories together?
Think back to all the key memories you share. Were these happy memories, or were they more unpleasant memories? Maybe you automatically think of the time you and your roomie hosted a stellar movie night, or the times your family member upset you on a special day. The memories that most stick out in your mind will truly help you realize how functional (or not) your relationship really is.
9. Do you argue too much?
How much is too much arguing? Personally, I think this is kind of relationship-specific. Some relationships thrive when you’re arguing, while others crash and burn after every bicker. Think about how much you fight in your relationship. Do you fight too much? Does your relationship grow stronger with bickering and arguments, or does it put a strain on your relationship?
10. Do you have a hard time communicating with one another?
Any relationship hinges on how well you’re able to communicate with one another. If something they’ve done upset or bothered you, would you tell them? Would you let them know if you weren’t happy with the current state of your relationship, or would you just hold your feelings in? Now think about this person’s way of communicating. Have they ever let you know if something wasn’t okay with them? So many times a relationship fails when you decide to be passive and let things slide under the radar. Do you take the time to communicate with this person, or does every concern fall by the wayside?