“How can I get them to come talk to me?” you wonder as you spot that cutie across the room. “Will they send me a message?” you think as you swipe right. The better question is, why haven’t you made the first move already?
That’s right, why haven’t you made the first move? It’s 2017 and anyone can talk to anyone first.
Why waste the entire day staring at your phone screen when you can just send a quick message? Don’t look like a creeper staring down the object of your affection across a crowded room. Just go up and talk to them. Making the first move is as simple as, “Hi!” Maybe a “hello!” or even a “how are you?” if you’re ready to jump right in. (Don’t worry, the “how are you?” can come after they say, “hi!” back.)
1. Be confident.
If you’re out, give yourself a bathroom mirror pep talk. List all the things you like about yourself and why someone would want to date you. It may sound corny, but after you do it you will be holding your head way higher.
It’s never awkward to say hello to a stranger; society has just made us think that it is. If you want to guarantee a smile, skip the greeting and start the conversation with a compliment. Don’t act like that’s too forward or weird, you know you’d love it if someone came up to you and complimented you out of nowhere.
2. Don’t be afraid of rejection.
Oftentimes the scariest part of talking to anyone new is rejection. Whether it be a flat out no or a subtle brush off in the form of short conversations. If this is your fear, ask yourself: have you enjoyed talking to every single person you’ve ever talked to?
Think of all the people you’ve told your friend you don’t think are cute, or all the people that have spoken to you (whether they were romantically interested or just making casual conversation) and ask yourself, did I like all of these people? Chances are, the answer is no.
That doesn’t mean they aren’t wonderful people, they just aren’t for you. If someone isn’t interested, it doesn’t mean you aren’t incredible, it just means you aren’t for them. And who wants to be with someone that you aren’t compatible with anyway?
Just strike up a conversation. Learning to talk to strangers is a great skill to have, not just in the dating world, but in all facets of life from networking to making friends. Start by talking to people you don’t know that you meet in class, on the train, or in line next to you at the store. Talking to people is a great way to pass time, and not just talking to people you want to flirt with.
4. Don’t do what makes you terribly uncomfortable.
You are in control of you. One more time now, you are in control of you. That means taking relationships at your own pace. If you strike up a conversation and it is not going the way you planned, end it. You don’t owe anyone anything. If you are meeting online and don’t feel you know someone well enough to give them your contact information, simply don’t do it. Part of taking control of your dating life is also owning your inner voice. If she says don’t do something, it may be wise to listen.
5. Don’t play the “what if” game.
It may sound like a load of nonsense when people say, “everything happens for a reason” or “when it works out you’ll know why it never worked out with anyone else,” but whether you like it or not, it’s true. If you hate the way those sort of phrases sound, just dress it up differently.
Think about all the people you’ve found interesting, incredible, attractive, etc. but haven’t had the guts to talk to them. Those people could have become your new love, your best friend or maybe even a coworker. Now realize that for every person you’ve wanted to talk to, there has been someone who sought you out, swiped over your profile or sat next to you in class but didn’t make a move because they thought they didn’t have a chance with you.
If you find yourself thinking that doesn’t seem possible, like no one would ever be interested in you that way, then go back to step #1 and repeat. Otherwise, take ownership of the opportunities right in front of you to interact with another person. Don’t let fear be your guide and shrink back into your shell. Sure, someone may not return the gesture in the way you envisioned, but by walking towards something fearlessly, we grow as individuals and we put the energy out there of the kind of people we desire.
So what are you waiting for? Make your move.