Recently a ton of girls all asked me the same question: I don’t have a friend group… What do I do? I totally get it because it’s a question I used to ask myself a lot. Everyone wants a place to sit at lunch. Everyone wants people to hang out with on the weekends. I wish I understood this so much sooner, but friendship isn’t about finding the right clique or group, it’s about finding connection. Connection is when we’re seen, heard, and valued. If your friendships aren’t providing you with those three things, then it’s time to take a deeper look at the people you’re surrounding yourself with. Check out my tips on how to create real friendships that fill you up from the inside out.
Do you want to hang out with you?
Every relationship in your life starts with the relationship you have with yourself. You need to be your own friend before anyone else can. It’s all an inside job. Not sure how you feel about yourself? Jot down the ways you show yourself you value yourself. How do you see yourself? How do you listen and talk to yourself? These questions are huge in getting to know and like yourself!
Ultimate Friendship Test
How do you feel before you see your friends? How do you feel while you’re hanging out with your friends? How do you feel after you see your friend? This is the ultimate friendship test. Your feelings tell you so much. They’re indicators of what you’re thinking and the energy around your friendships. If you’re consistently feeling anxious, stressed, or unhappy before, during, or after hanging out with someone, it’s time to shift your friendship. In order to create the connection we all crave, you have to really take a deep look at the friends you’re currently keeping.
“Why?” is always an illuminating question. Why do you want to be friends with a certain person? Why do you need to be in a certain group? Why are you second guessing your friendships? Asking yourself why leads to self-discovery and growth. When we do things to look cool, appear a certain way, or just hang on to a friendship that’s not serving us, it’s because we’re looking for things outside of ourselves to make us feel better about ourselves. The truth is nothing on the outside can make us feel good on the inside.
If I could go back in time, I would tell myself to stop wasting time on the friendships that aren’t building me up. Life is too short to be stressing over friendships that aren’t fulfilling. Instead of seeking a group of friends, start seeking connection in others. Real friendship is found in connection.