Though it’s not very difficult to make me laugh, it never ceases to amaze me how some people can make such great jokes in a span of 140 characters. Most of the time, I can barely tell a joke in 140 words.
Below are 15 of the funniest, sassiest, and most honest Twitter accounts I have stumbled upon and if you’re not laughing or shouting (or maybe just thinking) “preach” after at least some of these tweets, I’m so sorry.
Lane Moore @hellolanemore
I always wondered what it’d be like to date one of those guys who does tricks on the subway & tonight I’ll find out jk he’s 16 shut it down — Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) October 16, 2015
Mara Wilson @MaraWritesStuff
Feeling good about yourself when you wake up in the morning? There’s a fix! Try Going To Bed With Wet Hair™! — Mara Wilson (@MaraWritesStuff) November 7, 2015
Yes, this is Matilda’s Twitter account. And yes, she understands me.
big shoutout to the only coworker who applauded when i opened the cash register perfectly in sync with M.I.A’s Paper Planes — nicole (@relatabledad) July 20, 2015
This deserves an applause.
Alana Hope Levinson @alanalevinson
“How much do you like him? Are you checking his ‘likes’ tab yet?” -me, doing relationship consulting — alana hope levinson (@alanalevinson) November 7, 2015
Shut Up, Mike @shutupmike
Target cashier: Hi Me [Adele voice]: Hello — shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) November 4, 2015
Mike, whoever you are, please don’t ever shut up. 6. Bridger Winegar @bridger_w
If you have trouble meeting people, one trick I’ve found effective is to stand immediately in front of a busy doorway — Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) October 31, 2015
Online Hippo @InternetHippo
I can’t believe I’m not in better shape, I think about working out almost every day — Online Hippo (@InternetHippo) October 30, 2015
Anna Kendrick @AnnaKendrick
I suspect that low-carb diets work not because they are healthier, but because without carbs I simply lose the will to eat. — Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) November 5, 2015
Anna Kendrick, you get me.
Miranda Sings @MirandaSings
Sometimes I don’t get to see myself in a mirror for a while and I miss me. — Miranda Sings (@MirandaSings) November 5, 2015
Jenna Mourey/Marbles @Jenna_Marbles
How does Harry Potter go down a hill? By walking. J.K. Rowling (Courtesy of r/jokes) — Jenna Mourey/Marbles (@Jenna_Marbles) October 30, 2015
Jen Kirkman @JenKirkman
I don’t get mad at people who are famous for nothing. I’m like “Oh good. The rules are getting relaxed. I’m gonna nap.” — Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) November 6, 2015
Vanessa Ramos @thatRamosgirl
My work gave me National Cat Day off to focus on why I asked to take off National Cat Day.— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) October 30, 2015
Mary Charlene @IamEnidColeslaw
tampon ads severely overestimate my fitness level — Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) November 6, 2015
Charlene deGuzman @charstarlene
Are you on vacation to enjoy a vacation or are you on vacation to post too many pics and prove yourself to a bunch of people who don’t care — Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) October 18, 2015
Eliza Bayne @ElizaBayne
Does the milk from a bowl of Fruity Pebbles count as a juice cleanse — Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) November 5, 2015